Monday, May 11, 2009

A busy week and a difficult day...

I have been so busy and have been ignoring my blog a bit too much and I feel terrible about that. *just so you know even though I didnt have time to post on my blog - maybe that was because I didn't know what to say or how to say how I was feeling, I always made time to check out your new posts *

I know my last blog I promised pictures from my weekend at the cottage - of course I forgot my camera. Then last week my husband left on Monday for a week away on business which he will be for the next 3 weeks. So in order to try and not miss him tooooo much (obviously I'm going to miss him) I was planning to try and keep busy maybe even start a scrapbook but as the week played out there wasn't time for it.

Let's see Monday (last Monday) my sister came home for the day so we went out for dinner with my parents then we headed to watch my brothers first baseball game of the season - only person missing on the team was my husband whom will be playing when he is done all this travelling for work.

So I figured oh Tuesday I will update my blog - well my cousin who is getting married in October called me and wanted to go for coffee so of course I couldn't pass on the opportunity to hang out with her and help her with wedding stuff. While we were out for coffee she asked me to sing at her wedding while the girls are walking down the isle. Of course I said yes and I feel very honoured - I have sung at weddings before but I just feel very special to be part of her big day.

Wednesday I went for dinner with my mom and then we did some shopping for new carpet for the cottage and some other fun stuff.

Thursday night I of course could not miss Grey's Anatomy - I had already missed all my other shows that week so I was not missing Grey's then I did some house cleaning and baking so I had some good eats for my hubby when he got home on Friday to a clean house. Friday finally came and he got home with flowers in hand - he is the best!! We went out just the two of us for dinner on Friday night and had a wonderful evening just the two of us.... on Saturday we went for a run in the morning before making a great breakfast but only got half way through our run when it started to pour... but I love to run in the rain - needless to say we were soaked when we got home but it was fun. That afternoon we headed to my cousins house and hang out there for the evening and got to enjoy their company and their little baby. It was a fun evening for us both but holding that baby made my heart ache even more for a baby of my own - and I knew Sunday would be a hard day.

Mother's Day - I knew it would be tough but I never knew it would be that hard for me. I had planned a special meal for my mom - I wanted to make her day as special as I could because she truly deserved it. plus I thought if I get busy doing a big meal and stuff for her it will help me feel better and I won't feel as sad and I wont hurt as bad. Well of course I wake up in the most foul mood - sorry hunny!! and I knew why so I worked hard a biting my tongue all morning and as I sat in my pew at church singing the words to the most beautiful songs filled with words of truth I thought ok God you know I need your help today - I thought I was holding it together well until the baby dedications happened and then the tears just flowed and I couldn't get the valve to shut off on them. My heart broke and for a minute I was angry. Angry that everyone else around me was a mommy, they had their beautiful babies they had a day special designated to them a day that only brings pain to me. I quickly got control of my attitude and I tried to just be grateful I still have a mom - I thought of my dad and how today was his first mothers day without his mom - and how he must be hurting too. Sure his hurt was different from mine but pain is pain, right. We went home and I cook what I think was a hit of a meal... I had fun doing it to. All in all I'm glad mothers day is over for this year - and only God knows what next mothers day will bring for me. And although my pain is still there today my sadness remains I am trying to be positive and look for the flowers in today.

Today marks the start of a new week, another week where my husband is gone - but I already have plans again this week so I hope it will be a good week, it will go quickly and then the weekend will be here which happens to be for us Canadians a long weekend. Now if we can have great weather for our long weekend at the cottage that will be a cherry on top.

I hope everyone had a great mothers day - its been fun and hard at the same time to read about other blogger's first mothers days as mom and it looks/sounds like everyone had a great day.

Not that my mom reads my blog but if for some reason she did I just want to say I love you mom and am so thankful for you. I feel blessed to have you as my mom and not only my mom but as my friend too. You're the best!!

My beautiful mom!!


  1. Katie, my heart breaks for you. Please know that I am praying so hard for you. I have your name on a list of girls I pray for daily. Just know that God's timing is perfect. I can't wait until we get to celebrate your first Mother's Day with you!

    Have a fun week!

  2. Sorry you had such a hard day yesterday, I'm praying for you!!

  3. You're going to sing at a wedding? How fun! I wish I had a good anough voice and the guts to sing in front of people, but alas . . .
    I'll be praying that next year on Mother's Day you'll have your own baby to dedicate.

  4. I know that pain of sitting in church holding back the tears (or letting them flow) because you want to be a mom so bad. I'm sorry you have to feel that. I pray that VERY SOON - you will know the joy of sitting in church on mother's day overflowing with joy and thankfulness that you are finally a mom. It WILL happen! Never quit praying!

  5. I am praying for you sweet friend.. soo sorrry you had a rough day! I will continue to pray for you!