Friday, March 20, 2009

Its finally Friday...

Well today this Friday - March 20,2009 not only is it the first day of spring but it is the day my husband finally comes home from being away on business for the past 3 weeks but it is also the day we finally are going on Vacation. Yes I know we were in Dominican back in January but we have been looking forward to this trip ever since. We will head out when Im done work today to Buffalo, NY and from there we will fly to Phoenix, Arizona - we are both sooo excited. My parents go to Arizona every year for the Month of March and they love it so we decided to go and try it out for 10 days this year. My husband and my dad are looking forward to golfing everyday and my mom and I cant wait to do some serious shopping and sunbathing. I am so looking forward to just having my husband to myself for the next 10 days. oh and did I mention its his birthday tomorrow too... so it will be like a birthday week long party!! Don't worry I won't be leaving the blogging world for those 10 days I will still be checking and probably posting - of course if Im not too busy eating out, shopping, suntanning, swimming - you know all the important things I have to do. Well if you can't tell I am very excited and I know Im in for a great 10 days no matter what happens because I'll be with my husband, my parents and I wont have to get up and work everyday but I just get to be on VACATION.... hope everyone has a great weekend - its suppose to be nice here and by nice I mean sunny and warm - although it was snowing yesterday - hence part of my excitment for the 90 Arizona weather.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday...

October 1940 - October 2008

You faught a tough and brave fight Grandma, we love and miss you daily!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Insecurities ....

Everyone has insecurities - and they are as different as each one of us are different. I think we have insecurities as a result of sin and I think God can use our insecurities to draw us closer to him and find our security in him.

For me my biggest insecurities is in my looks - in the way I feel I look and in my selfworth. I am sure I am not alone in this insecurity as we daily are being bombarded and brain washed by Hollywood, magazines, tv show etc telling us that we need to look like this to be beautiful. Anything over a size 2 is too large - you have to have perfect teeth that are shiny white - you have to wear designer clothes - one outfit that would cost enough to feed a small village. Why is it that we know in our heads that what Hollywood or tv, or the "world" calls beautiful is not real its not reality its not who God made us to be its all fake but why do we strive to be like "their" standards. Maybe I'm the only one that buys into all that but somehow I doubt I'm the only one. I have a horrible habit that does nothing for myself but makes me feel worse off - it seems like wherever I go or whatever show or movie I'm watching I compare myself to the girls I see. My husband gets so frustrated with me and I get frustrated with myself - I wish so much I could literally just walk through the mall and not compare myself to one person but its just such a bad habit its almost become an addiction. Its funny because I have been noticing so much lately beautiful burnets and I've always been a blonde - naturally I am a blonde but over the years I my blonde has become darker so I have lightened it to be a lighter blonde but with burnet being the new blonde I finally gave in this weekend and changed my hair to burnet - I do like it and in no way did I do it just to fit in but I do admit I did it because I wondered - would I look better as a burnet? would I feel better about myself?

I say all this to lead me to the point that my BEAUTIFUL sister reminded me of yesterday - no matter how many diets I try, no matter how many hair colours I use, no matter how expensive the clothes I wear (and I am telling you I don't buy expensive clothes I would just feel way too guilty wearing them ) they will not make me beautiful and they won't even make me feel beautiful. My worth and beauty comes from God and until I find my true self worth and truly feel beautiful for who God has made me I wont like myself.

Bethany Dillion sings a song that says it all so perfectly - its called simply "Beautiful" I have attached the video that has the lyrics on it here. Watch it and really listen to the lyrics because they have a powerful truth to them and those words hold healing. At the end of the song it says " You make me worthy of love and beautiful". Even though today I don't feel worthy of love and I definitely don't feel beautiful I know deep down that I am worthy of love because he gave his body on the cross because he loved me so much. I am beautiful because "God don't make no junk". He made me just the way he wanted me - perfect just the way I am and I need to believe that to find my true self worth and beauty.

YouTube - Bethany Dillon- "Beautiful" with Lyrics on Screen

Friday, March 13, 2009

Life's not fair....

Ever feel like no matter how hard you work nothing is ever good enough ... like everything you want and work for everyone else has before you? Ever think its personal like God is punishing you? Ever feel like its just not fair?

I always remember my parents telling me as a kid "well life's not fair" and oh how true that saying has become in my life. Today is Friday and usually I love Fridays - and well I do love today because my husband finally comes home after another week away... and I got to go out for breakfast this morning with my sister and my grandma which was very special but today I just feel like life is not fair and it plain old sucks. I often wonder if Adam and Eve hadn't fallen for the temptation of Satan in the garden if sin had never come to being what would my "perfect" life look like. Would then I feel like life is fair.... would I have the house we have been working so hard to save for... would I be the mommy to that baby I have been praying for.... would I be "beautiful" by hollywoods standards? Sometimes when I lie in bed... yes I wish I was one of those people who hit the pillow and fall asleep but that has never been the case with me... I let myself imagine what life would be life if I was rich, or if I could have anything I really want. I know in the end no money will make me happy and there will always be something out there I want but don't have but its fun to pretend for a minute.

I often get frustrated with God when I see people around me who don't live their lives pleasing to God and yet it seems like he is blessing them and not me. Now I am not saying I am by any means the perfect Christian because man I have alot of areas to improve on but I try my best to live my life daily for Him and I want to be the best Christian I can be to point others to him but then I fall and I get so self centered and I get mad at God because I feel unblessed (I dont know if thats a real word but I am using it anyways). I know Im probably not alone in feeling this way...atleast I hope Im not cause then that will make me feel really guitly. I fail so often to find the blessing in the things I do have rather then look at all the things I dont have and I wish I had or I feel like I do deserve to have.

Now Im feeling bad about being honest here because I dont want to hurt anyones feelings by saying what I've said. I in no way am saying that if you have a house and a baby you don't deserve it. I believe one day I will have a house too (just when I have enough money saved to pay for the thing) and hopefully a baby one day. Its just I had to write what was on my heart...

*Edit - after rereading this post I already noticed two blessings in my day today - my husband comes home, and breakfast out with my sister and my Grandma *

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wordless Wednesday...

Best day of my life - June 16, 2007

Also want to give a shout out to the new people reading my blog... leave me comments I love finding new blogs to read and gaining new blog "friends".

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A new week...

*note this was written on Monday but not posted until Tuesday as I wanted to add pictures and didn't have my camera with me*

So another new week is here - another week to live this life God has so graciously given me to shine for him. Have you ever noticed it is so easy to be miserable and just be negative about things but it takes alot more work to thinking positively and be happy even in crappy situations... I am learning that alot lately. It is often humbling to come to God feeling broken, frustrated, hurt and lonley and just laying it all out for Him - after all he already knows us more intimately then we know ourselves and he knows our thoughts but he likes it when we voice them to him. I was talking to my grandma last night about miracles and how so often we limit God in his miracle ability skills... we say we believe he is able to do miracles but so often we think he needs our help to perform them or that he believe that miracles are only in the form of complete earthly healing or in the form of us getting exactly what we want... we fail to realize that a miracle could be done through him taking someone home to be with him, or a miracle could be done through him saying "no" to our desiers and wants... if we truly believe we serve and worship the Almighty One the creator of the world the one who loved us enough to give his only life then we need to truly hand over the keys of our lives or wants or wishes and we need to worship and praise him even when life throws us the most unwanted circumstance.

We had a fun yet busy week... Tom and I drove up to see his parents on Saturday for the day and we were able to spend some time with my sister in law and my niece and nephew which was fun. My mother in law and I went with my sister in law to look at bridesmaids dresses for my other sister in laws wedding this summer - which was fun for us girls to do and spend time together. We got home late Saturday night and we even lost a hour of sleep because of the day light saving .... Sunday we went to church and just relaxed in the afternoon and spend time together knowing that it would be a long week apart again. Tom is yes gone again this week but once again I am praising God that he has a job and my grandma has come home from spending 3 months out west with my family out there so she is staying with me this week which is nice to have company. I am looking forward to this weekend already because my sister is coming home and I so love spending whatever time I can with her. I am looking forward to watching the first episode of Dancing with the Stars tonight only because I heard rumour that Melissa from the Bachlor is going to be a competitor so that will be interesting to see. Hope everyone has a great night no matter what it may hold for you.

Here are a few pictures of the worlds best nieces and nephew.... I miss baby Paige so much though because I never get to see her as she lives out west but I will see her in July!! My Cole and Josie are so much fun too and I love them to pieces... I'm their Auntie so I have bragging rights!

Cole (age 6)

Josie (age 3)

Paige and Auntie Katie (age 7 months)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I AM loved...

Ever have one of those days or weeks were you just feel lonely and unloved... obviously if you really think about it you know you are loved but you kinda just could use some reminding of it.... well I am definitely having one of those weeks but yesterday I received a little something that made me feel oh so loved.

Side note : I have the best sister in the world and she happens to be my best friend also. My brother and my sister and I are all 16 months apart (I am the oldest, then my sister and my brother is the baby) and we have always been very close and still remain close to this day although not as close as I wish we were - it just seems easier when your a kid eh. My sister and I haven't lived in the same town since I graduated high school and I miss her - although I talk to her pretty much everyday I long for us to live close to do lunch dates or go for coffee together but I look forward to the weekends that she can get away from Sarnia and come visit!!

So yesterday was a special day for my cousin and her husband as they had their baby and I am so happy for them don't get me wrong but oh the pain in my heart as I wish so much that it was me having that baby. God kept bringing to my mind yesterday "in My time Kate, in My time" and that may mean this year or it might mean in a few years or it might mean me never carrying and birthing kids of my own but I know whatever it means it will be the best for me because it will be His will. So I was feeling pretty "blue" yesterday and all of a sudden I get a bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work and they were GORGEOUS... so I thought hmmm are they from my husband because he left me flowers at home with the sweetest card ever on Monday before he left for the week so I opened the card and they were from my SISTER!!! I literally had tears in my eyes because not only where they so beautiful but I had prayed and asked Jesus to send me a little something to cheer my day up and I had no idea how He was going to answer whether it be in the form of a call, or a text, an email or FLOWERS!! I love flowers so much but I love even more getting given flowers and not just by anyone but my best friend who happens to be my sister. So I just have to brag about my flowers and you may notice a theme with them - yes daisy's happen to be my favorite flower and I just love the colours both my sister and my husband choose...

from my sister - yes the card reads "because I love you from the better sister ha ha"

from my husband

Even though I have a really nice camera my picture taking skills aren't great so my photos really don't do these beautiful flowers justice but they are GORGEOUS and every time I look at them I feel so warm and fuzzy knowing I am loved. So I encourage you today that if your feeling lonely and needing a little loving, YOU ARE LOVED - believe me and I also challenge you to do something for someone today to show them that you love them because you don't know how much they need to hear it and you will be surprised how good you will feel after you do it.

Oh one more thing - I am soooo happy Jillian is the next bachelorette - at least one good thing came out of this season's disappointing bachelor. Can't wait to see if she finds true love in May...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Speechless - yet have alot to say...

Well they did deliver the most "shocking" ending yet on the Bachelor but what a sad way to get people to watch the show. I really don't want to dwell on the show because it really is sad because marriage is a real thing and should be taken seriously. That being said I know that when girls/guys (bachelorette) go on the show they know they run the chance of being heart broken but come on to end your engagement on national television and then 30 minutes later be making out with the one you said goodbye to in the first place - definitely not classy and definitely gave him a bad name. I really liked Jason on the bachelorette and felt bad for him after DeAnna chose the other guy (whom I said she wouldn't be happy with and I was right but I think alot of people called that one) but after last night I definitely think alot less of him - not for changing his mind if thats really even what happend (he tends to make alot of excuse for his actions on the show - just be man enough to be honest) but for the way he played it all out and made it into a show. Dont get me started on Molly - I never really liked her in the first place but I thought she would be smart enough not to jump right back into his arms and be all kissing him after he just ended his engagement... I feel really badly for Melissa but ultimately Im glad she got let go before they got married. Her heart will heal but I worry about Ty. What is a 4 year old to make of this? Anyways I dont want to dwell on the show because honestly it was a disappointment and sad realization that so many in this world really doesn't see the commitment and sacredness of marriage and that is the biggest disappointment. So many are missing out on Gods greatest gift because their marriages aren't founded on His truth and love.

I would love to know others thoughts on the show even though we kinda already predicted this ending from rumours and sneak peaks it was still sad to just see it all played out.

I hope everyone is having a good week so far... to you out there who are reading this (and you know who you are) and haven't blogging in awhile get blogging... and you who read it but don't comment...please comment let me know you actually read this.

Keep warm out there and enjoy your Tuesday evening whatever it may hold.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Another Monday...

Well its hard to believe its Monday again and not just Monday but Monday March 2. Its finally March and I love March because it not only is the month of which my husband was born but it means spring is coming and although the sun is shinning beautifully today it is deceiving because it is sooooo cold outside. This weekend was busy with taking my parents to the airport on Saturday as they have headed to Arizona for the month - definitely not feeling sorry for them this morning as my mom told me of their 90 degree weather they are "suffering" through but I am happy for them as they need the break and my moms health needs the warmth. I can't wait for my trip down there... just thinking of it gets me all excited.

Today is not just any ordinary Monday Blues - its a sad one for me because my husband left on business and will be gone for the week. I know many wife's have to deal with their husbands traveling alot but thankfully the Lord knows I hate being alone and therefor has not so far asked me to bear that burden - until this week. And although I think of my dear sweet friend who has lost her husband and I quickly smarten up and think I have nothing to be sad about - I atleast I know I will see him on Friday and she has to wake up everyday knowing she won't see him until she reaches heaven but for just one moment I allow myself to be sad because I do miss him and I know the bed will be soooo big tonight without him in it - now I am sure I will enjoy my sleep because he won't be hogging all the covers or the bed but it will be hard to fall asleep without him there. As much as I want to complain he is gone part of me is thankful that he has a job and I have him. God has given him to me on loan for how long I dont know but I choose to be thankful today that I can atleast talk to him on the phone and I have the choice to enjoy and make the best out of my week alone or I can choose to let it get the best of me and have a miserable week... so I am choosing the first and I will probably come Wednesday have to remind myself of my choice but I know I can do it if I start to fail I just look to the strength of my dear sweet friend and keep looking for the blessings in each day.

On a totally different note the Bachelor is on tonight and I am so tempted not to watch it because I don't really want to know who he chooses - I know that sounds silly but after last week and seeing Jillian there and may I add she was so polite to him and she really is a sweet girl who I hope finds the man of her dreams - I have read so many different reports as to how it will end tonight and who he will pick but I say if he has to pick from Molly or Melissa I definitely hope its Melissa because Molly just doesn't seem right for him or Ty at all. Whomever he chooses I hope he is happy. All that said who am I kidding I will definitely watch it even if I have to watch it alone :( because my curiosity will kill me otherwise, besides they say its the most dramatic ending ever and who doesn't love a little drama. So I hope others out there will watch it, I know they will, but let me know what you think of how it turns out.

Go enjoy your Monday evening because its the first Monday of March and it means we are only 4 sleeps away to the weekend!! :)

Have a great week hunny, I love you and miss you!