Friday, March 13, 2009

Life's not fair....

Ever feel like no matter how hard you work nothing is ever good enough ... like everything you want and work for everyone else has before you? Ever think its personal like God is punishing you? Ever feel like its just not fair?

I always remember my parents telling me as a kid "well life's not fair" and oh how true that saying has become in my life. Today is Friday and usually I love Fridays - and well I do love today because my husband finally comes home after another week away... and I got to go out for breakfast this morning with my sister and my grandma which was very special but today I just feel like life is not fair and it plain old sucks. I often wonder if Adam and Eve hadn't fallen for the temptation of Satan in the garden if sin had never come to being what would my "perfect" life look like. Would then I feel like life is fair.... would I have the house we have been working so hard to save for... would I be the mommy to that baby I have been praying for.... would I be "beautiful" by hollywoods standards? Sometimes when I lie in bed... yes I wish I was one of those people who hit the pillow and fall asleep but that has never been the case with me... I let myself imagine what life would be life if I was rich, or if I could have anything I really want. I know in the end no money will make me happy and there will always be something out there I want but don't have but its fun to pretend for a minute.

I often get frustrated with God when I see people around me who don't live their lives pleasing to God and yet it seems like he is blessing them and not me. Now I am not saying I am by any means the perfect Christian because man I have alot of areas to improve on but I try my best to live my life daily for Him and I want to be the best Christian I can be to point others to him but then I fall and I get so self centered and I get mad at God because I feel unblessed (I dont know if thats a real word but I am using it anyways). I know Im probably not alone in feeling this way...atleast I hope Im not cause then that will make me feel really guitly. I fail so often to find the blessing in the things I do have rather then look at all the things I dont have and I wish I had or I feel like I do deserve to have.

Now Im feeling bad about being honest here because I dont want to hurt anyones feelings by saying what I've said. I in no way am saying that if you have a house and a baby you don't deserve it. I believe one day I will have a house too (just when I have enough money saved to pay for the thing) and hopefully a baby one day. Its just I had to write what was on my heart...

*Edit - after rereading this post I already noticed two blessings in my day today - my husband comes home, and breakfast out with my sister and my Grandma *


  1. I know exactly what you're going through. For the last several months I've had moments of wondering why the Lord isn't giving Derek and I the blessings that we want (Background info: Derek went without a job last fall, and because of the market changes, he's had a hard time finding another job in finance. We're still praying for him to get a job back in his field. It's been really stressful not knowing if we'll pay the bills each month - Derek covers most of them, but I've been having to try to get enough work to cover the rest).

    Sometimes you have to look a little harder to find those blessings, but they are there - sometimes they just aren't the exact blessings you want. We've been blessed in that the Lord took care of us in those months before Derek got his current job, He's given me enough work to cover the rest of the money we've been needing for the last couple of months, and I just got a regular job, so we don't have to worry about whether we'll make the bills anymore! We're still trusting about Derek getting back in his field, but it'll happen in God's time. We've also had the huge blessing of learning to rely on the Lord more - and I think that's why he doesn't always give us everything we want, so we'll learn to cling to Him more tightly.
    Sorry, that was a really long comment, but I just wanted you to know that I've struggled with the "why" questions too!

    P.S. I don't know what you're talking about, I think you ARE beautiful by Hollywood standards!

  2. trusting in the Lord is maybe one of the hardest things to do as christians, it is not easy at all to trust in His timing. But dont forget to look at all parts of the picture. you may not have been blessed with a baby, but maybe God has other great things in store for you. For all we know he may have something big planeed for your life that having a baby may be hard to do. Remember that you are blessed with a wonderful husband, and a home to live in. and a loving family.
    those are things that some people arent fortunate enough to have.
    we all live in a world of want, not only you but everyone. we live in a fast paced society and we want things now. but the Lord doest work like that. and it is so hard to remember, but when you stay true to God he will BLESS you!!!

    remember you are a beautiful woman! hollywoods standards are unrealistic.

  3. i was gonna comment, but i emailed you. are beautiful by anyone's standards (was ALWAYS jealous of you in high school)

    AND....things aren't always as good as they seem.


  4. Trust in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. That's all I gotta say, girl :)

  5. its true life isnt fair
    i often get frusterated with the same thing
    the sermon we had last week helped me take a step back and look at things differently

    our pastor suggested that Gods ultimate goal is to bring you to Him and make you as perfect as possible. He loves you and wants to be near you. It can seem sometimes like the wicked business.. or in almost anything.. but in the grand scheme of things they are missing out on something far better that we have, a real deep relationship with Christ. Sometimes i dont understand situations like this but God sees the bigger picture and can use these situations to bring us even closer to Himself. In the big scheme of things life is like a blink of an eye.. so short..and really what matters is God. Sometimes He brings these things into our lives on purpose as a growing experience.
    But I can see that it must be hard looking at a child and wanting one of your own!
    Hopefully one day God will grant you a little one!